In The Spirit of Fear
By Kelli Calabrese
I grew up Italian and Roman Catholic in NY. That likely puts a stigma in your head and you probably are not that far off. You have seen the typical Italian mother (Ray Romano) or even the Jewish mother (Seinfeld) on TV sitcoms, who are riddled with worry over their children. That fear is usually coupled with drama and worry which of course is passed on generationally. I specifically remember the impressions implied and direct about the fear of flying, God, strangers and of course I was sure I would drown if I swam after I ate a sandwich (pronounced sanwich).
When I got married, my husband’s Italian family was even more riddled with fears. No one would sleep in their house alone, go in a basement, come within 10 feet of a spider or walk across a bridge.
In my career I would come to meet many clients and trainers who were crippled by fear and whose fear at times pushed them to make some unwise decisions or not to act at all and miss out on opportunity or enjoyment. Fears can turn to phobias and keep therapists in business. Fear leads to doubt and doubt to unbelief.
Fear operates against people and is actually not a natural emotion. In fact it’s not an emotion at all, but it applies pressure to your emotions. My parents would say it’s healthy to have fear – you know . . . the “healthy fear” we should have against snakes or dark alleys. If you embrace fear as healthy, you will invite fear in and believe fear protects you from harm.
When you think about fear protecting you from harm, it’s pretty ridiculous. Truly!!! I’ll say that again, thinking that fear can protect you from harm is ridiculous! Fear can easily gain a foothold in your life if you let it.
Too many times I’ve heard trainers who are led by fear. They say things like:
If I leave my job at the gym, I may not be able to make enough to pay my bills
I’ve never paid for my own health insurance before
I can’t afford to hire an assistant
But I am not a good public speaker
I need more certifications before I can charge more money
The list goes on. I know Be Betterites know better. They know FEAR as False Evidence Appearing Real! I thought as we begin a new decade and another year, this was the perfect time to identify any false evidence holding us back.
Live long enough and you are going to experience trouble, difficulty, loss, hardship, failure, disappointment and tragedy, but when you allow fear to dictate your thoughts, you are in danger of being tormented by it and fear will take over your imagination.
How could things change if you used wisdom instead of fear? Doesn’t it sound so much nicer to be lead by wisdom instead of fear? Wisdom can be so obvious to an outsider who is not wrapped up in the fear. Even an innocent child can have infinite wisdom when it comes to being fearless. Fear is taught.
I have made many decisions because of fear. I remember asking a friend to take my place speaking on a cruise ship to the Caribbean because I was 6 months pregnant and didn’t want people to think I was fat. Clearly I missed out!
Fear is not your friend. To rid yourself of fear, first identify what your fears are (fear of being injured, bankrupt, failure or fear of divorce) and then begin imparting wisdom in your decisions. That does not mean you need to take the emotion out. Having heart in your decisions is as important as having logic. Begin to break off any thoughts that have paralyzed you and imagine how things could be if doubt were gone and you were free to decide and act without fear. Projecting into the future is powerful and exciting. Imagine in detail what things could be like. I am not a trained therapist, but I promise it’s empowering. Decide not to tolerate fearful thoughts.
Still today my father does not fly, my parents have few friends (that would mean talking to strangers) and they don’t swim before or after a meal. Life is passing them by. As people get older (and we all are) the fears seem to increase. Spend some time with an elderly person and the limitations they have put on themselves are crippling, physically and emotionally.
Imagine there are no limits. Imagine the opportunities that can be yours today. Imagine the potential inside you as an intelligent passionate person who is not afraid to work hard. Someone is going to be at the top, someone is going to be the best fitness option. Someone is going to set fear aside.
Be Better is committed to continually equipping you with the confidence and conviction to believe big things are possible. Our desire is that your experience in Be Better breaks down all of the barriers so that you can be free from fear and enjoy the best and the better of out comes!